Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
