My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
