cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
