what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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