I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
