Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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