i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
