She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
