I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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