My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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