one two three fourrrrnication!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i drank out of a bidet.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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