gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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