Its about making memories worth repressing
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
