sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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