It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
