Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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