It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
