I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
