Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
