Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
