How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
