My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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