New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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