thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
