Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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