Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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