The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
how does that bad decision feel?
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