theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
