You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
