I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
