I want to stick my p in your. b.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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