the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
