Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
