Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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