we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
