we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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