so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
