my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
