Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
