i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
