Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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