Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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