i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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