I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
