if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
