I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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