Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
