If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
