it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
