This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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