remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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