WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
