I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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