you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
