she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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