Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
