some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
